Sometimes I wish relationships were more like Stitch Fix. With Stitch Fix you fill out a quick survey about you like, what you don’t like, then you get sent a few, try them out, send back what you don’t like, keep what you do, and live happily ever after with your clothes.
It would be easy if relationships were like that – especially the happily ever after part. No one gets hurt in the Stitch Fix elimination process, many people get hurt in the relationship elimination process. Let’s be real, most people date more than one person in their lifetime. Only a few people decide to marry the first person they’ve been in a relationship with.
Chances are you will experience a breakup at least once in your lifetime, and sadly, probably heartache. The difference between a relationship and a clothing subscription is that real feelings are involved with relationships. Breakups take a mental, emotional, and physical toll on our bodies. But the way we handle the aftermath can determine how much of this pain we experience.
What can we do to eliminate breakup pain? Aside from giving it time, there are a few different solutions that can help ease the new season in your life.
It seems like everyone and their mother talks about mindfulness these days, but it is so important! Mindfulness simply means you are aware of yourself and others around you. It’s the focus on living in the moment and absorbing what is around you. This is something that can help you immensely when it comes to breakups.
Don’t know where to start with mindfulness? Guided meditation or prayer are both things that can help significantly with mindfulness. Applications like Headspace give you the option of a 3, 5, or 10-minute meditation that will help pluck your thoughts from the future and pull you back to the present.
Spend Time Outside
You might think this one is silly, but studies show that being in nature reduces stress. Researchers in
Japan encourage people to “forest bath,” which is simply walking in the woods. They point out it lowers your stress significantly compared to taking a walk in a city.
Pick yourself up, go outside, and enjoy a walk.
You don’t have to walk fast, nor do you need to get a workout out of it; just enjoy yourself. This is a good time to practice mindfulness, to be aware of the present, and the things around you. It will give you time to just be, and steer your mind away from your breakup.
Don’t Talk Poorly About Your Ex
Instead, learn to productively talk about your breakup. It is so easy to immediately jump on the bad mouthing train post-breakup. It’s an easy way to talk about your breakup with other people if you call him names, or expose his character flaws. But it also doesn’t help very much.
Instead of focusing on the horrible attributes of your ex, focus on what you can take from the relationship. Instead of saying, “he was passive aggressive with everything, it was pathetic,” say, “he was passive aggressive, which is something I will look for as a warning sign in my next relationship.”
It allows you to constructively look at the situation. Post-breakup you can do one of two things: talk poorly about your ex and your relationship or try to turn it into a lesson for yourself. The things you saw in him that you didn’t like? Make sure the next guy you date does not have those qualities.
Spend One-On-One Time With Yourself
The worst thing you can do after a breakup is jump into a new relationship. All too often people jump from relationship to relationship, because of the need for attention. Don’t do this, use the post-breakup time to give yourself attention. Pamper yourself with a home spa night, read the books you didn’t have time to before, go to the museums he didn’t want to go to, but do it by yourself.
There is so much potential for growth after you experience a breakup. Instead of dating someone new, date yourself. Get to know who you are when you aren’t attached to anyone or have any commitments to anyone.
Learn How To Identify And Feel Your Emotions All The Way Through
Emotions, what a scary word! But we all have them. We experience them all day long, whether good or bad, and they shape how we go through the day. One of the biggest mistakes you can make after going through a breakup is bottling up your emotions and suppressing them.
Emotions are good, we are supposed to feel them, suppressing them will only do greater damage in the long run. A good exercise to practice is writing out your emotions. If you are ever experiencing high volumes of emotions, take out a sheet of paper and write down exactly what you’re feeling. If you’re just feeling sad, write “sad.”
If you’re feeling like you want to light someone’s house on fire, write that down (just don’t do it). It is a good way to express your feelings in a positive way, so they don’t get suppressed, which can eventually cause a breakdown.
Establish A Bedtime Routine
When you are experiencing a breakup, a routine can be extremely helpful in keeping you from wallowing in your sorrows. One thing that you can do is establish a bedtime routine that you walk through every night.
Night’s are possibly the hardest times when you are going through a breakup. It gives you time to think before you fall asleep, and we all know how easy it is to get caught up in your thoughts. It also creates a sense of accomplishment if you can complete the same routine each day, which is good for self-confidence, whether its subconscious or not.
Write Him Letters – But Don’t Send Them
Sometimes the greatest release is telling someone how you feel. Whether you’re angry, sad, mad, or even happy, letter writing is always a great exercise to get your feelings and thoughts on paper! Let your hands write what you have always wanted to say, but couldn’t. Or what you’ve been experiencing since breaking up.
It’s okay to get mad at him, write mean things, but when you finish, rip it up. This exercise has helped so many people with diffusing their feelings and will leave you feeling satisfied, and calm. Just make sure you rip it up or store it where no one will find it afterward.
Have you ever gone through a breakup? What was a good coping mechanism for you?